MYRRHINE
Are we a bit late? Oh, Lysistrata, do not be mad. What? You are going to ignore us now?
LYSISTRATA
I have no words for you Myrrhine! You took your time getting here for a matter that is quite important!!
MYRRINE
Well I could not find my girdle! If what you have to say is so very important then speak, we are here now.
CLEONICE
Not yet. Me must wait for the women of Boeotia and Peloponnese to show up
LYSISTRATA
I agree....well! Here comes Lampito! Good day to you Lampito! Ah...how very handsome you are today. A wonderul complextion and a strong and sturdy build that I am jealous of. I dare say you could choke out a bull, without a doubt!
LAMPITO
It's what I do. I keep this body in such shape by good excersise and excellent leg lifts and butt kicks!
CLEONICE
ohhh....and what magnificent and glorious breasts you have!
LAMPITO
Haha...you are eyeing me as if you would use me for a sacrifice
LYSISTRATA
And where is this young lady from?
LAMPITO
She is from Boetoia
LYSISTRATA
Oh...well my beauitful Boetian friend! You are as pretty as a blooming garden in a warm spring!
CLEONICE
Yes indeed. And look...her "spring garden" seems to be well trimmed as well!!
LYSISTRATA
And this is?
LAMPITO
She is a good honest woman. She is from Corinth.
CLEONICE
Oh...well only as honest as those from Corinth...which is not very honest
LAMPITO
Ok, now I need to know. Who called us all together? Tell me, who?
LYSISTRATA
It was me
LAMPITO
Well then tell us what is on your mind!
CELONICE
We are all here now, so tell us what the reason is that you have brought us all together
LYSISTRATA
I shall tell you, but first you must answer me one question
CLEONICE
Absolutely
LYSISTRATA
Are you not angry and disturbed that your husbands, the fathers of your children, are with the army and far from home? I bet there is not one of us who's husband is not overseas right now!
CLEONICE
Mine has been gone five months in Thrace doing his job
MYRRHINE
Mine left for Pylos about seven months ago!!
LAMPITO
If my husband ever does return he is gone again instantly to fight more wars
LYSISTRATA
And no love!! Since the Milesians betrayed us I have not seen a man's sword unsheathed from his pants as a way to comfort us widows! So.....tell me....if I had discovered a way to end this war quickly will you all support me?
CLEONICE
Hell yes! I shall do whatever is needed!
MYRRHINE
And so will I, even if I must be cut into two pieces like a flat fish with half removed!
LAMPITO
I will scale Mount Taygetus to achieve peace
LYSISTRATA
Then I shall tell you my great plan. If we are to make our husbands strive for peace we MUST refrain...
CLEONICE
Refrain from what?! Quit taking your time and inform us of what we must do!
LYSISTRATA
But will you do it?
MYRRHINE
We will! Come now! What is it??
LYSISTRATA
We must refrain from male completely......no sex and no love for our husbands!......hey....why do you ignore me now? Why do you look soo sad and unhappy with this idea? Quit turning away! Will you do this or not?!
CLEONICE
......Hell no I will not. You have lost your mind. The war must go on.
MYRRHINE
I will not do it. Let the war continue.
LYSISTRATA
And you say this after having declared you would allow yourself to be cut in two my friend Myrrhine?
CLEONICE
Anything will work but this idea of yours! You would willingly take away from us the most wonderful act in the world?
LYSISTRATA
And you?
MYRRHINE
I would rather you throw me into a thousands fire and hav my flesh burned to nothing than not have the right to make sweet sweet passionate love to my husband!
LYSISTRATA
Damn you sex!! Apparently we are good for nothing but just that because of those damn poets. Ah...but you my dear friend from Sparta, if you would but help me and agree to do this all may yet be well. What say you?
LAMPITO
It is a hard concept to accept....a woman alone without her husband in her bed. That being said.....peace must come first.
LYSISTRATA
Oh my dear friend!!! You alone deserve the glorious name of woman!
CLEONICE
Even if we agree to what you say, will peace come any quicker?
LYSISTRATA
Of course it will! We only need to stay inside all day with our cheeks rosey and greet our men in tight transparent garments of silk that reveal our perfect form to their wondering eyes. They will become a bit too excited to lie in bed with us and that is when we refuse. They will soon be driven mad to achieve peace!
LAMPITO
Yes, like Menelaus when he threw his sword away after seeing Helen's bosom
CLEONICE
But what if our husbands leave us?
LYSISTRATA
Then as Pherecrates would say, we must "flay a skinned dog".
CLEONICE
That is shit! These proverbs mean nothing! What if our husbands take us by force in our beds?
LYSISTRATA
Grab the door posts and hold on for dear life!
CLEONICE
And if they turn to beating us??
LYSISTRATA
Then allow them to do what they want at that point, but do so with very little grace. Be a dead log on that bed. SHow no pleasure. He will have no pleasure in it if we do not. It is a known fact about men!!
CLEONICE
Fine....if this is what must be done, then we agree.
LAMPITO
I am sure we can do this. But what about the Athenians? How are we to convince them?
LYSISTRATA
No worries. We are going to focus on our own people right now.
LAMPITO
It will not work as long as they have access to their ships and large supply of treasures in the temple of Athene.
LYSISTRATA
haha...oh we have that taken care of! As we speak the older women are going to the Acropolis under pretence of offering sacrifice to seize the citadel!!!
LAMPITO
Well done! It is all going according to plan then!
LYSISTRATA
Come Lampito, let us make an invioable oath.
LAMPITO
You give us the terms and we shall swear by them.
LYSISTRATA
Of course. Now where is our Scythian policewoman? Lay this shield on the ground, its hollow upwards, and bring the contents of our victim.
CLEONICE
What oath are we swearing?
LYSISTRATA
Well in Aeschylus they sacrifice a sheep, we shall do the same!
CLEONICE
No...no
LYSISTRATA
Well what would you rather do then?
CLEONICE
Let us sacrifice a white horse and take our oath on its entrails!
LYSISTRATA
And where, may I ask, are we getting this white horse?
CLEONICE
Well fine Lysistrata! WHAT oath shall we take then since my ideas are no good?
LYSISTRATA
Let us sacrifice the skin of Thasian wine and take an oath to add absolutely no water to it!!
LAMPITO
Oh yes!!!
LYSISTRATA
Bring me a bowl and a skin of wine
CLEONICE
Ah! What an enormous bowl! It shall be a good time emptying it!
LYSISTRATA
Bowl on the ground...ok....now lay our hands on our victim. Almighty goddess, Persuasion, and thou, bowl, boon comrade of joy and merriment, receive this our sacrifice, and be propitious to us poor women!
CLEONICE
...ohhh....how well this red blood flows! Yes!
LAMPITO
It all looks soo very delicious!
CLEONICE
I shall swear first! Come..let me swear first!
LYSISTRATA
No! It must be sworn by the lot all at once. Repeat everything I say now. Then we must all swear and pledge ourselves to our promise. I will have nothing to do with neither lover or husband..
CLEONICE
I will have nothing to do with neither lover or husband...
LYSISTRATA
And if he comes to me with a full erection...
CLEONICE
And if he comes to me with a full erection......Oh no Lysistrata! I cannot go through with this!!!
LYSISTRATA
I will live at home unbulled...
CLEONICE
I will live at home unbulled...
LYSISTRATA
beautiful in dress and makeup...
CLEONICE
Beautiful in dress and makeup...
LYSISTRATA
That I may inspire my husband with terrible longings....
CLEONICE
That I may inspire my husband with terrible longings....
LYSISTRATA
I will never give myself voluntarily...
CLEONICE
I will never give myself voluntarily...
LYSISTRATA
I will be a dead log and will give no pleasure....
CLEONICE
I will be a dead log and will give no pleasure...
LYSISTRATA
I will not open my legs with feet up towards the ceiling...
CLEONICE
I will not open my legs with feet up towards the ceiling...
LYSISTRATA
And if I keep do my oath may I enjoy this sweet wine...
CLEONICE
And if I keep my oath may I enjoy this sweet wine...
LYSISTRATA
But if I break it may it all turn to water!!!
CLEONICE
But if I break it may it all turn to water!!!
LYSISTRATA
Do we all take this oath?! Then I shall now drink this beautiful wine.
CLEONICE
Enough Lysistrata! Let us now all drink in turn to our friendship we have made here.
LAMPITO
What are those cries?!
LYSISTRATA
Ah! It is as I told you! The women have no taken the Acropolis! Lampito...return to Sparta and complete your plot. The rest of us....to the citadel!
CLEONICE
What if men march up against us?
LYSISTRATA
I shall laugh. Nothing can stop us!
CLEONICE
Yes you are right! Otherwise we are just cowardly women!
This adaption took a bit of time to understand where it needed to go in relation to the original text. Attempting to steer clear of actually changing the script and remaining true to the original work was difficult. The dialog now has a modern feel to it but at the same time retains much of the classic dramatic feel to it that is found in the original script. There were moments in the script that are of course different. Even the relationships between a character or two is changed a little bit by changing a word or two in the dialog to a more modern term . I is amazing how words and their meanings have changed so much over time. Keeping this in mind was important while attempting to give this work a bit of my personality in it while still staying true to what was originally written. Now of course some readers will be offended and uncertain as to why some things are a bit different. That cannot be avoided. At times the comedy was turned up because I felt as if there could be more to bring out the comedy so that the modern audience could truly understand what it is that was written without being confused by words that are a bit outdated in todays society. Casting and staging a performance of this adapted scene is of course another story in itself. It would require natural comedic timing by the actors and an understanding of classic comedy. This adaption does not change the time period, just how the words are said. That being said it should be understood that the location and time will b as the original script had intended. With a feeling of history said in such a way that a modern audience should be able to understand and enjoy this adaption of this particular scene should, if performed, be well received.
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